Cancer

Fear.  Anguish.  Shock.  Held back tears.  Guilt.  Confusion.  An unexpected tidal wave crashed over our lives on Monday, November 14.  The doctor mustered all of her compassion to deliver the news, "Blake has a malignant kidney tumor.  Surgery will be needed immediately."  But all of the compassion in the world could not stop the sudden surge of emotion that followed.

The truth of what this meant pounded us relentlessly.  Test after test was taken , as swarms of doctors flooded our room.  Being parents of a child with cancer means you put on your bravest face and most convincing smile - when all the while the waters are rising too quickly.  You hide in the bathroom, gasping for air, as fear washes over you.

But then, I began to realize I wasn't drowning.  Somewhere, in the wake of the fear and confusion, I knew what it meant to really be brave.  Somehow, my smile became real - so full of love for our scared little boy who needed to know he was safe.  God is with me.  Jesus Christ is living in me, and I don't have to do this alone.

The waters are still rushing, and I still feel helplessly caught in the undercurrent.  But I know He's with me here.  I still hide in the bathroom and cry, but He sends the Holy Spirit to wrap me in love.  The aftermath is devastating, but we have hope.  The word "cancer" is powerful, but we've already seen that Jesus' death and resurrection makes his promise of healing greater than any tumor.

And so, this journey begins.